The X-Factor

I have a confession to make. I still read my ex's xanga. It's a sick, sick habit I know, but I swear it's innocent. At least, I think it is?

I'm still good friends with ex-boyfriend #1 and I kind of wish I could have the same kind of friendship with ex #2, but somehow it just isn't the same. Maybe two years isn't enough time. Maybe he is annoyed by the fact that The Hubs is universally recognized as being "better" than him (at least better for me). I know for a fact he was upset about a comparison I made on my public blog, then again that was a year ago.

Our last prolonged conversation was totally bizarre. I told him about my engagement and he launched into a lecture, essentially telling me that my idea of a wedding sucked and this is what he would do instead. It left me thinking, "I'm not marying you so why the hell are you telling me?" His reaction made me feel like there was no real possibility of a friendship there, maybe not even in the distant future. We just may not be the sort of ex's that can do that.

Isn't it impossibly sad that I can stress this much over a guy I merely want to be the kind of friend you talk to once every month or so? Yes, I know it is. So that's why I read his xanga, because I'm curious to see what's going on in his life but, really, I don't want to go through the charade...or effort...of forcing myself on him as a "friend." We're not friends. I guess, I'm just kind of a stalker. Doh.