Yeah, well I can't get myself to go away.

Well. I did it. I quit. For good. I hope.

I'm sad to say I feel as though I've lost a very dear friend. I've lost the thing that I turn to when I am lonely.

I didn't go into work today because of an eye doctor appointment this morning but when I got home I didn't know what to do with myself. The apartment felt very empty. The space on my desk where my smoking equipment sat called to me, but there was nothing there. Nothing to fill the emptiness and no one to talk to. Nothing to numb the pain of this hole inside me.

I'm starting to realize now that part of the reason I loved weed so much was because it made it so I never had to be alone with myself. There was always this smokescreen (as my hypnotherapist would say) between me and myself. But I have to face myself now. I have no excuses anymore and nothing to hide behind.

This is me. Laid bear for all the world to see. And I have to learn to really love myself.